A man is being called “thoughtless” after refusing to get a DNA test to show his fiancée that they aren’t related.
Posting to the subreddit “r/AmItheA–hole” (AITA) — a forum where users try to figure out if they were wrong or not in an argument that has been bothering them — he explained that his fiancée who is adopted, has recently started fearing that they may be related.
“She was adopted at birth and hasn’t had any contact with her birth family,” he wrote in his Reddit post.
He told his fiancée he wouldn’t take a DNA test even though she believes they may be related.
His fiancée’s concern came after she “read an article” about a married couple who were both adopted and later found out they were biological siblings six years into their marriage.
“Now, she’s worried that might be us, even though I was not adopted,” he continued.
Despite explaining to her that he is not adopted, and his parents were faithful in their marriage, so there’s no way they are related, she is adamant about taking a DNA test.
“She still wants us to get tested in case there is an uncle or other relative of mine that slept around,” he wrote, adding that he and his fiancée’s families lived in the same city, and her mother had been a sex worker.
However, he refuses to get a DNA test done, pointing out that it would cost $200 for both of them to get a test, and he doesn’t want his “DNA sitting in some database where it can be hacked into.”
“I also don’t want my data sitting on a website where anyone ‘connected to my tree’ can find me. It weirds me out.”
He told his fiancée that he wasn’t comfortable getting a DNA test, and didn’t want her to get one either because he was afraid that she would find troubling things about her biological family.
He admitted that he doesn’t want her to find out she’s related to “bad people” and become upset, though his fiancée has continued to push the subject.
It all came a head after he revealed he had “crossed a line” when he insulted her birth family, telling her that “she was being disrespectful of my family by indicating one of them may have abandoned their child.”
She immediately started crying and left their home, refusing to answer any of his calls or texts.
Now, his fiancée’s sister won’t stop calling and accusing him of being intentionally mean to his wife-to-be.
“As far as I’m concerned, they abandoned her, so they are dead to me and I don’t owe them any respect. On the other hand, they are genetically related to her, so maybe by proxy, I’m calling her a deadbeat too?”
While he still doesn’t want to do the DNA test, he acknowledged that the entire incident will probably not go away until he does.
A majority of people who commented on the man’s Reddit post agreed that he was in the wrong.
“You could just go to your medical provider, explain the situation and have them run a comparison,” one user wrote.
“It’s really not rocket science and the results don’t need to be stored or skeletons unearthed, but it is an easy way to get the answer your future wife is after and settle her mind.”
Another user added, “Her concerns are also more severe than yours. How could she be feeling safe and happy with you with questions like that lurking in her head?”
“This will definitely not blow over. You’d be wiser to give in.”
A third user chimed in, “It’s fine if you don’t want to take a DNA test, but you can’t say that she can’t though. If she’s related to bad people, so be it, but what if she’s not?”
“She’s free to take that DNA test all she wants.”
Nia Tipton is a writer living in Brooklyn. She covers pop culture, social justice issues, and trending topics. Keep up with her on Instagram and Twitter.
I have been writing professionally for over 20 years and have a deep understanding of the psychological and emotional elements that affect people. I’m an experienced ghostwriter and editor, as well as an award-winning author of five novels.